Immediate cures

A lot of the time, I am looking for solutions to problems. But sometimes there are no solutions. I have to learn to just wait. The problem will resolve itself. I know this instinctively but I fight against the natural progression of healing of the wound. I do not want to face the wound and know it is there. I do not want to know the wound was self inflicted. I do not want to see the wound raw and infected. And I do not want to wait for the wound to heal in its own time. I want immediate cures.

There are some immediate cures. You fail your courses at university and the problem of a poor academic performance resolves itself pretty quickly with an expulsion from said institution. You steal an item from a store that is caught on camera and you can be sure you will end up with a prison sentence or at least some sort of criminal record. You are rude and unkind to a family member and there is a memory that remains of that encounter that you won't be able to write over.

These immediate cures, mostly negative happen and you are responsible for them. But other cures - such as the cure for your bladder cancer, the cure for you unemployment and the cure for a failure to succeed - these are cures that persist and won't be cured quickly. I think such ills are organic and you must resolve what ails you inside of you before you can progress on healing.

I don't know if I am making sense here. It is this. I feel crappy inside about myself. This inner illness percolates throughout the entire external life I lead. If I can change that nasty feeling to one of self appreciation and feelings of worth - then I can not only change my inner world but also my outer world. But these types of cures take a long time. Sometimes they take your entire life and then you aren't even done then. You just have to keep working at the cure and not expect an antibiotic course to make the pain go away. Sometimes, even, there is no cure.

Immediate cures are nice. But prolonged cures are also useful. They have lessons embedded in them. Getting to the point where we see that life long wound healed with scar tissue on it - is a ongoing process of educating oneself in how to accept, how to endure and how to love. The lessons are worth the length of time required for the healing.