Off days

I've been trying to get to calm all day. I should have just walked. I should have just ignored the biting weather, triple layered myself and walked into the white wall of snow dust outside. I should have cleansed myself in the forest. Instead I spent the day stuffing myself with chips and pop. Yeah, I guess even an anal person like me can have one day where she isn't being anal.

Off days are useful. If I was always on and writing and energetic, I'd wear out. In fact, I would die out. When I just surf on the Internet, angst about money, eat crap and don't work out - well it is probably a necessary thing. Every learning curve has a down ward aspect before the curve goes up, plateaus and then falls down again. Every learning curve needs off days.

Tomorrow, I will fuck with my brain again. I will tell it the story of the fat woman who waddled to death. I will frighten the passengers inside the airplane with my story of aging, memory blurs, lapses in attention, slowness in responses, failures in generosities and yes, a woeful lack of kindness. I will speak of these things and then I will do the only things that erase the failures - walking and writing. Tomorrow will be an on day. Today will be in the past.